'Cos Crazy Comes Naturally...

I am now going to say something totally against my principles... because my new principle is to NOT BE RIGID.... "Find a new love the moment you fall out of love with the previous one"... with certain conditions followed, of course. The longer you are alone, the crazier you get. At least that is what happens to me. I reach this point when I can leave everyone who loves me and go to the hills to live the life of a hermit... a hermit with a bottle of alcohol... haha =)

And I don't mean you go LOOK for someone, just be friendly and you'll soon find someone who fits most of your criteria. And do things you totally would not have expected yourself to be doing. Do the most unpredictable thing.... Shock your friends and yourself... :)

Be crazy and live each second of every minute of every hour of every day....

Security lies in your thinking...

Miss Understanding should get married...

Colour of Death

Death reminds me of black. But when I actually put my mind to thinking about it, only one colour can come to my mind..... WHITE.... Death is pure, death is magical, death is undefined, death is simple, death just exists, it's the presence of something very substantial. Black is evil black is a fear, black means the absence of light... totally not MY opinion on death.

I'm not scared of death. I want to face it I know it's not that bad. Maybe I AM scared because it is uncertain. I am, after all, human. Fears engulf me like the ocean engulfs the sea.

But black gives me sadistic vibrations, white gives me angelic vibrations. For something that needs to cross my part in this journey of mine, I'd rather make myself believe in something pure like white, like death...

Ohm's Law

The potential difference across a wire is directly proportional to the amount of current flowing through the wire as long as the temperature and pressure are kept constant.

Say point 'A' and point 'B' are connected by a wire 'W' of resistance 'R'. When R decreases the current 'I' through the wire increases. A time may come when the current causes an electrical fire and results in damage of the circuit.

Now let us assume that A~you and B~your good friend. As long as there is sufficient resistance between you two the amount of current in the wire connecting you two will not be enough to cause damage.

I wish there was a fuse I could fit in somewhere... Resistance hurts it makes life difficult. But it has to exist and we have to control it. Science cannot give us reasonable explanations for why things are the way they are. Biology, the brain structure, psychology. We follow them as blindly as people believed all 'knowledge' before renaissance. We need something more substantial we need an individual opinion that can cause a lot of controversies but can eventually result in answers to problems no one has found the solution of as yet...

E(x)isting?

God loves those who love themselves. I found this written by me in pencil on the keychain of the secret diary that I used to keep in 2003.. and it struck me, I was always this way, the senti-sloppy philosophical psycho that I am.. :P I just KNOW what to call it now!

Firstly, I used the word "God", I had a lot of faith in him. Not just blind faith. But now I call myself an agnostic, but I know that from inside I still believe in that something. My faith in my magic, the water the medicines the shoes, I use that to coat my faith in some superpower that is helping me exist.

Loooove

Loooove Me Tender, Love Me Sweet.. Never Let Me Go

Elvis Presley, the KING.. Ever noticed what the "never let me go" signifies? INSECURITY...

Stuck In Reverse

Till I find my faith I can never move ahead. I Am "Stuck In Reverse". As for my faith, water maybe. I like how it is so strong, harsh, yet peaceful. It's got two sides like I do. Like everyone does. What you see is so wrong. I see a clear blue ocean. What is it in reality? It is something everyone mistakes as pacific. "The calm before the storm" in a way. You never know what is underneath that surface. Till you go swimming underwater. And if the pressure gets too much, you die....

Maybe I can create a new faith and guide the world along with myself. Motivate them if I cannot motivate myself. And I shall gradually find myself motivated as well.

Cure Me, Or Endure Me....

If you can't cure something, you have to endure it don't you? Unless you give up on it completely. If it's not WORTH your time and your patience.

I find myself talking a lot about what is worth me and what is not worth me. I'm standardising myself in a way. Maybe standardising is the wrong word. I am putting myself in the category where others can compare me to different things. Not comparison with different people, but THINGS. They can prioritise their habits their schedules over me. Everyone does that all the time. Except for gems that I come across. *smiles*

I know I have terrible faults. I tend to go VERY WRONG. But I know best what I'm like. You HAVE the right to tell me where I'm wrong, but don't put it in such a way that I forget that that's just ONE part of the whole scene.

I feel bliss when I LIKE myself and I feel frustration when I don't like myself. That's just the person I am. What you think of me does bother me, but what I think of myself is what pinches me when the time really matters. No one can understand me perfectly but myself. So who is my best friend from the beginning to the end? Only ME. I'm the one who HAS to live with ME the whole day, every day, every year, from 1992 to... Right?

Anger. I feel it again. Because I am not being to get my point across clearly.

You CANNOT cure me. You CANNOT endure me.

Give Up.

Walk out that door and breathe the fresh air you have been longing for. "Some things can never improve!" Give up on me like I'm a bad joke and bid me goodbye..

Thanatophobia - Fear Of Death...

I'm terribly scared of losing the ones I love... I have always felt that I am able to feel some pain before it happens... I already know how I'll feel when I live away from home, I already knew how much I would miss my sister when she left for college... The same way I just know how torturous life will be without one of the people I love

It's very irrational. I have this weird disorder. I am sure all of us have our respective disorders. Mine has a lot to do with death.. If I don't do this, this person will die, If I do this, that will happen, like that.. If I don't exit the room before the fan totally stops rotating, I will lose this person. If I don't post this today, that person will die. (See, it just happened) It's been happening ever since I was in class 3 and I learnt about the death of my sister's friend's mother. That's when it hit me- oh my god, I might actually have to live without someone I love! The first thing I thought of- suicide. A mere 7-8 year old contemplating over suicide? And it just worsened with the years. Never will I suicide, I don't see how that's the solution to anything. My death is just going to hurt others around me. And I can't hurt the ones I love intentionally, can I...

And I don't care about my death. It is exciting, you know. I believe in life after death... specially cos when I was a toddler I used to narrate incidents from my past life to my parents.. There's no reason why I wouldn't believe in life after death

I'm still scared, here, as I lie in my bed typing this. The lights are out and music is blaring in my ears. I can just lie down and THINK... but it hurts too much. So i turn to writing my thoughts down, it always makes me feel better.. talking to someone isn't that beneficial, I don't get the response I want and that causes more frustration...

Mean Is Always Mean!

Why will a normal human being want to be mean? What more does a person want? A person wants love. And being mean does not make us get love, then what is our motive behind being mean? Once again, our motive behind being mean is love. For some, it is acceptance that matters. They can lie, deceive, cheat, to be accepted by the ones they love, and in return get their love. For others it is basically selfishness. The love for themselves and their own happiness lies well above their love for other's happiness. So then, where does being mean fit in?

Everyone makes mistakes... Is being mean one of them?

Maybe we mean to be mean. Everytime we are being mean, we do it intentionally. Maybe we don't call it being mean, maybe we know that we are being mean. What is it? Are we all angels disguised as flesh ? Or are we devils? Who coined 'angels' and 'devils' and WHY am I using these terms here? Because at one point a fleshed human made these terms and put them in the English Language. Were his intentions being MEAN? Or did he think he was doing something for the welfare of the society. Oh and people applauded him and he was given many awards. He was given respect in society. Something HE WANTED. He wanted the attention. Was he being MEAN?

Mean should be when we are hurting someone, right. Not just when we are helping ourself. So was he not being mean? But he was doing it for sole selfish reasons wasn't he. Selfish always means compromising on the benfit of others, so was he still not being mean?

Swing Wide, Tip To Either Side!

I'll be easy on myself... *sighs* Life is very hard anyway and I don't wanna add to all my stress. *takes a deep breath* So, you swing, it's okay. Nothing wrong. You tip, that too is okay. As long as you keep your balance. You should not fall. Because if you fall, well, there's a lot to deal with then. I'm not saying people will laugh at you, though they WILL laugh at you. You might get hurt. But most importantly, when you DO get up (see I'm assuming that you WILL get up, i'm an optimistic kid!) will you ever swing that wide again??? That one fall can make you change your perspective totally. Like when you fall in love for the first time.. Some people say that you're just immature. I'd like to say that you are simply ignorant. And ignorance IS bliss. You have no idea how much it'll hurt later and so you keeeep swinging wide... you tip reeeal bad. And you fall. (yes you always fall) And then, you get up. You DO get up. But do you ever swing that wide again?

Not just love, Don't you dare judge me. I am not going to be one of those sloppy heartbroken teens, cos i am NOT a heartbroken teen, my heart is quite okay, thank you very much for asking.

Not just love, everything that a human does, he loses faith in it soon enough. He stops trying! WHY????

As if life isn't faithless already.. why did you have to stop trying?

ICE FIRE MAGIC....

I like having this little stories to tell from my childhood. I feel quite boastful because I remember lots of small rather crummy incidents. Most are too personal and will not even be understood by someone who doesn't know me well.. But some are amazingly cool. Like the fact that I remember my past life experiences. (More on that later, hold your horses) and the incident when I ALMOST DIED.. okay so I usually tend to exaggerate, but I am NOT exaggerating here, sweetpea. So Fire Fire, Yeah. Chilly Winter Night In Dehradun (I'd like to call it Dehra, makes the feel quite right but I cannot because I told myself a few years back that I hate the name Dehra cos Ruskin Bond is overrated, I don't think he's that overrated but I just feel jealous of him I think, anyway, back to the point!) A Cold Winter Night In Doon. Wait, you know what. this blog is totally public and I don't write about things that are directly related to me, so sorry, you're never getting to hear this story!

So lets talk about the things that I like and still don't quite like. For Example CHAAT. If someone says, you like chaat? I make a face and I say NO. You wanna know why?? EVEN I wanna know why!!! I like chaat, okay. I like eating it. But I absolutely HAVE to claim that I DO NOT like chaat. I don't even eat it till someone stuffily puts it in front of me and tells me to. And then I do eat it (I don't like making scenes) and I secretly enjoy it. Yes I do! Somebody please try explaining that to me! It's not even like the times when people say they don't like something our of habit. I don't do things like that! I accept change, okay! No I do not have an emotional problem so please kindly get off my back!