Sound tracks

It's funny. Where things started from is often the way the finish. There's always a similarity between the start line and the end, more so when there's absolutely no feeling of accomplishment.

You sit here, and you pack your things. The music calms your nerves, a little. The coffee jolts your brain, a little. The sound of your hollow breathing. periodically. voluntarily. The grimace that appears. Shaped like a half moon. That's absolutely involuntary. That's a sneer. It's all so funny the way I see it now. So funny.

time ++

the music changes

And you find some meaning. You find some purpose. When you're not looking for it, it finds its way to you. And you are reminded, once again, of why..why that breathing is involuntary, but only when you're not focusing on it. 

It's a sigh

You realise this only long after they've long left this world, that you didn't have enough of them. Even when you tell yourself that it was more than enough, it feels like you had one conversation too less, one experience together too little. It never seems like enough. And sometimes when it's the right time, you think of them.. and a few tears escape, they feel cold on your cheek.. and you wipe them away, along with the memories that you've been drowning yourself in. And all emotions, from the past, present and past of the future merge in one.

Bubble bubble toil and trouble

We are all miserable. Even when we are happy, we are subconsciously waiting for the next bout of misery to arrive. In fact, we thrive on misery. Misery is the Meaning of Life. Profound, isn't it? And when we are actually miserable according to the well-carved definition drafted by society, psychology and circumstances, then we try to be less miserable. We don't do what makes us happy, but we do what makes us less miserable with respect to the earlier state of miserable. And that's the whole circus and process. The bigger meaning of life. We are looking for easier ways to handle situations, we tell ourselves that we are 'trying to be happy' but all in all we are actually just trying to be less miserable. And that's when we start to make all the wrong decisions and choices in this state of horrid horrid misery and we choose an easier form of misery. It makes us feel better, for a while, but not for too long. This easier form of misery is like the wolf in sheep's clothing. But we don't see the wolf, till it is too late, till the truth strikes us in the chest through the forgotten armour. (we left the armour at home safe in it's closet cause we thought we'd bought a ticket on the happiness express) Then, when it is only just too late, through the thick, red, suffocating blood that slithers slyly from our throbbing skin we start to understand the meaning of misery, the meaning of LIFE. Cause you see, the meaning is what you tell yourself it is and it requires only so much time and experience to understand it.