Baby its cold outside..

Sometimes people need help. They dont need a rehab, they dont need therapy centres. They just need help. They need a break, from the monotony of life and the futileness of relationships. They need a break from all things that make them happy and all things that make them sad. They need to spend some time in the place where they came from..the place where they had first discovered themselves. They need to rediscover themselves. Think of yourself like a scientist. life is all about reactions isnt it? Endothermic- u end up feeling sick inside. Exothermic- u end up releasing all ur collected energy. science student. but now I'm an arts student. Did i make the right choice? Let me not think too much about it. I always sucked at sciences. maybe cos I never tried hard enough. but then, I didn't have the will to try hard enough, so that must mean that that wasn't the right field for me. but im not tryin hard even now. maybe im just an inherantly distracted human being and I can never do the thing that I am supposed to do.

So here I am. trying to figure out who I am, what I want from life. Am I at the right place? Did I make the right choices? Did I hurt too many people on my way here? Was I hurt by too many people?

How does it matter, as long as I learn from my mistakes.. As an sms forward once said, "It's okay to cry. But once you're done crying, don't ever cry for the same reason again."

Salvation of the Mightbe.

I used to believe in God...till my fears got the better of me. What if my prayers are never answered..what if the bad feeling in my heart never goes away..what if something bad happens to someone I know and I cannot even help.
My Fears. As a little girl...as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend..as a fellow human being. My Fears. As a growing child..as an adolescent..as a pre-teen. My Fears, began to crush me. I began to let my thoughts and my impertinent fancies get the better of me. I took to strange OCD's and little mind games. My life, hardly two decades worth on this green planet, and that was all that it had come to.

I began to wonder...why do people even pray...why do they need a faith so powerful, why can't the power of their mind, of their logic and their thinking be enough for them to live on without an external faith? My confidence grew, so did my personality. My grades improved..i realised that my IQ was much above average, and, truthfully, I began to fail myself from the inside. I rose, and rose..built myself a foundation of success, built on the confidence on faith in myself-internal (or so I thought)...till the fateful day when I realised that I could not control the entire world around me. I could NOT control my future. No matter how hard I tried to choose a path distant and less travelled, I would reach the same point I would have reached had I followed ANY path. It did not matter. I did not matter anymore. I began to see the bigger picture. My role, the macrocosm of my microcosmic presence..
I began to believe, once again.
In the power of the almighty.

I had failed, once, twice...but I had learnt..
And I had learnt well.