Sunday, October 6, 2013

Just is. And then some.

Another one, who tried to fight
the course of the stars:
with torchlight,
shining bright at the moon
trying to confuse the few
that still stood a chance
to make a change

You are who you are, the end of the day. And who you are is defined by where you come from and what got you there, or what was an obstacle in getting where you think you would have rather been.

Growing up in a small town, everything that I had ever known was around me in a five kilometer radius. At school, I was defined by my elder sibling. Outside of school, I was defined by who my father was, and occasionally by who my mother was. (very patriarchal indeed)

Three years ago, I traveled to an unknown city and settled there. I needed to learn responsibility and independence. Most of all, I needed to figure out whether I was any different without all those definitions that I thought had constrained me. I needed to know whether I'd still have a personality outside of the little sphere that was my comfort zone and if I did, whether that personality was any different from who I'd been.

You've been molded into a certain way becomes your idiosyncrasy and there's no denying that those constraints have had a major role in defining you. You evolve out of some, and out of some you don't. You are who you are, at the end of the day. You can't choose to be different. You can't pretend to be any different. You don't fight it. You don't succumb to it. It just is. And you just are.

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